BYOP BOOK WRITING SAMPLES/TONE
FORWARD:
It was truly the “The Best of Times”. I was 23, fresh out of college from arguably the top musical theatre school in the Nation, and I was making my Broadway Debut in the Tony-Award Winning Revival of La Cage Aux Folles by the great Harvey Fierstein and the beloved now late composer, Jerry Herman. This revival, hailing from London and directed by Terry Johnson, was a dream come true and not to mention had been the talk of the town for its presentation, daring “Cagelles” and tender subject matter.
If you don’t know it, LA CAGE is a musical about two older gay men running a nightclub proudly in St. Tropez in the face of all adversity. This includes the adversity found within their household when their straight son brings home an extremely conservative fiancee Anne, and her incredibly conservative parents.
After leaning heavily on my personality to get through a ballet dance call, I had hit the working actress jackpot. It was a dream come true. I got to be a role in a well-respected show. I got to speak on a Broadway stage with lines in my debut and eat Nutella as I walked sassily across the stage in 4-inch wedges and a crop top! It was everything. I knew in that moment as my heart was pounding out through my chest as I waited in the wings of the Longacre Theatre, I was lucky to be where I was and this magical moment in time would never happen again. You only debut once, my dreams were coming true. Not to mention having the security of a sit down contract in New York City.
When I arrived at the theatre for my opening night it looked like a florist. Flowers and plants were on the ground everywhere as I entered the backstage door. I felt like Audrey in “Little Shop”. The gentleman at the stage door handed me a telegram my parents had wired me from Kentucky upon my arrival and Harvey Fierstein welcomed me kindly into his dressing room on my way up to the fourth floor. Harvey also wrote the show and was currently starring in it as “Albin” opposite my now friend, Christopher Sieber. As I said before, it was truly the best of times.
Opening Night went off without a hitch! The cast was loving and supportive and I got to celebrate next door at our old haunt Hurley’s. I joined the company on that Tuesday night after two weeks alone in a studio with my loving dance captain Christophe and resident director Tony. Try learning a big musical without any other actors, it’s quite the experience. Everything I had worked for has officially paid off.
The next day I woke with energy because it was my first two-show day on Broadway! I was looking forward to spending more time with my new castmates in between shows and hearing more about the secret Sardi’s menu after our matinee. In the theatre sometimes as actors we get a little grumpy knowing we have a large day's work ahead of us but I came in with sunshine bursting out of me “as an actress on Broadway would.”
We kick off the show like normal. Half dressed I go down behind the curtain and sing for our Cagelle as they are doing one of the most extraordinary opening numbers I had ever seen. They did this eight times a week with tap dancing, costume changes, jump splits and all. For the opening I get to sing down in my lower register like a man and everyone makes faces together backstage while the stagehand is swinging in the birdcage in the wing off to the right. I can’t believe this is my JOB.
Mid matinee of show two I’m changing into my blue poncho and I get a text from my Mom. My parents had just landed from Kentucky and were in a cab on their way to the theatre. I text her the directions about what to say at the stage door upon arrival and our stage manager comes over the speaker, “First half is going great guys. Can we please get the full company in the house after the show for a company meeting?” I look at my dressing roommates for guidance and Cheryl, one of the sweetest and most talented character actresses in the biz, looks at me and says with her big eyes “Oh no.” I look at my other dressing mate and friend who had previously had my role and she says, “Well maybe you will get to play Anne on tour.”
I giggled it off. What? Going on tour? I just got here! I started this job fully yesterday I thought. It hasn’t even been 24 hours since I walked to the theatre with purpose and job security with my fancy 6-month contract with riders. I’m barely remembering my scene partners' names at this point.
Act two slowly becomes more solemn. I notice people starting to get a little more emotional during our full company number “The Best of Times”. I’m looking at everyone as we are tapping our plastic stage champagne flukes together and as we make eye contact their eyes are half full of joy and half full of terror. I start to read a weird energy off the company like they are really starting to embrace their lyrics. “So make this moment last, because the best of times is now.”
The curtain comes down, I hang up the blue poncho and I file in behind everyone into the house of the theatre. I get a text from mom “We’re almost there!” I use this as an opportunity to quickly thank the Producers in person for the job, then we sit and wait. Everyone keeps giving tight smiles and I gently trace my finger on the plush red seat next to me.
Next our Producer, Barry Weissler, stands next to his wife and gives a beautiful speech about the journey of the show. The rehearsal process, Opening, selling well, being nominated for the TONY’S, winning TONY’S and having an exciting year and a half. He talks about how we are all family at this point and I feel so blessed. Harvey and Chris sit leading our company in front of me and I’m thoroughly enjoying the review of the opportunity. I still can’t believe I get to be apart of telling this incredible story.
Mr. Weissler concludes his warm speech. He takes a deep breath, there’s more. He clasps his hands. “I’m sorry to say that our beautiful show will be closing at the end of the month.”
A line had been drawn in the sands of St. Tropez and it was indeed quicksand. My life, joy, job, certainty, security, understanding of my dream just froze out in the balance in front of me. I was in shock.
The reality of the business, understanding of my path, work/reward ratio was no more. My reality disappeared and was disqualified in an instant. And because my body, heart and spirit was still on such a high from my dreams coming true less than 24 hours before, my soul barely could process a thing. Thank God my parents were right outside.
To see your parents' faces as they hug you and congratulate you on your Big Broadway Opening only to tell them you had gotten your closing notice on the rebound of the embrace, yeah, it was a thing. It broke my heart.
We all skipped Sardi’s. My parents and I parted so I could get ready at my half-hour call. I went up the four floors to my dressing room and just stood there looking at my costume dresses. There was a shift inside. As my dressing roommate had said before, “Oh, no.”
I had never grieved anything before in my life at this point. I had never been one to rest on my laurels or expect anything but this just didn’t make sense. At all. But most of all what didn’t make sense to me was the shift inside of me.
That is until now.
This experience was the beginning of my bountiful and unexpected path as a thriving creative in New York City.
It was time to be brave. Even braver than before. It was time to figure out my own path and create the ability to do so again and again. It was time for me to be my own Producer.
Chapter 1: No One Can Give You Permission to Create but Yourself
There, I said it. No one can give you permission to create but yourself. No director holds the keys, no studio, no casting director, no gallery owner, it is you and you alone baby!
At the start of my career I was hungry for people to ask me to do things. I wanted people to invite me places, I wanted to always be included, both personally and creatively. I wanted to be asked to the most exciting auditions, I wanted to be “invited to sing” somewhere, I wanted to be thought of by others. The truth is, I wanted to be thought of by others to fuel my creativity.
Not that this was wrong. To me there is no wrong when it comes to art. Art is a form of expression, but for me, from a very young age it was very much about what others wanted me to do and what others wanted to hear from me.
Maybe this is because I was raised in Kentucky into a Broadway loving family and community that really cultivated strong Musical Theatre performers or maybe it’s because at the time I never even knew what a Producer was. But for me, being talented meant that I was a strong musical theatre, “Broadway belting out show tunes performer”.
That was my identity.
It carried me far. As you read in the foreword it carried me all the way to achieving my dream. I got to go to the best school in the nation for performing and got on that Broadway stage in exactly two years from when my U-Haul pulled into Washington Heights in Manhattan in 2009.
Then came the reality.
As a performer what you mainly do is audition. I know that might seem mind-blowing but the truth is when you are a professional with a hungry and hard-working agent you are always auditioning. It is other people submitting you for projects, based upon someone else’s description of their project and you are invited into the room to audition for their project based upon what people think you do or are ready to take on.
Once I got into this grind and reality I was not sad, or frustrated I was fascinated. I remember one day I was able to wrap my head around a few thoughts and let them further formulate. I had some very honest moments of truth with myself. My life and how I was spending my time was solely based off of what others thought they needed or wanted from me. Also, if someone didn’t give me the green light I wasn’t able to do what I was most passionate about. And this shocked me to the core.
But this couldn’t be my reality! $80,000 in debt from the best musical theatre school in the nation to recognize this?! Mixed with my Broadway upset I was truly shocked. I had to find a way to do what I loved all the time regardless of being invited or not.
I’ll never forget it I was walking toward the water in my new neighborhood of Long Island City and it became so incredibly clear to me, ‘No one can give you permission to create but Yourself’.
I froze, but this time in the most positive way. The clouds opened and I felt joy for the first time in a very long time. I thought “Wait, this is my life and I can choose to express myself anyway that I want?! I have only been creating these chains on myself and have forced myself on a much smaller path than to live the way that my heart truly desires?!”
I had been so caught up in what others were asking me to do that I had completely bypassed my bottom line and core that I was an artist. An artist with active choice and stories to tell. That I had a desire in me to get messy and create and to express myself much deeper than I had yet allowed. And it’s not that others hadn’t allowed it, they had invited me to do it, but I personally as an artist had not yet arrived. I was struggling with my identity. No one could give me permission to create but myself and for the first time since I was yearning so deeply to create on that fateful afternoon, I finally gave myself permission.
What do you need to give yourself permission for today? Is it to give yourself permission to create? Is it to give yourself permission to claim your true identity or explore new parts of expression? Do you need to give yourself permission to take a break? Do you need to give yourself permission to get a little louder? Do you need to ask for someone to support your creative ideas or to be your teammate? Have you always wanted to write? Have you always wanted to dance? Are you still a current reflection of your most authentic self?
If you too are starting to breathe a little deeper, if your soul is starting to rise up out of your chest with something more or different to say I know deeply that we might be onto something starting here today.
#BYOP Challenge 1: “Artistic Identity”
In a journal or in your heart describe how you are currently perceived as an artist. What do people come to see you do, perform, make or create? How have you branded yourself? Are you known for anything specific? What steps have you taken to land yourself where you are today? Have you fueled this identity?
Sit in it. This is who you have shown yourself to be as an artist and how you have expressed who you are.
Do these things that you have written above match your current authentic truth? Is there something more that you need to say? Is there something further you need to explore? Is there some thought or energy that creates excitement in you?
If you can articulate them, jot those thoughts down.
Ashley Kate Adams
ashleykateadams.com
AKA Studio Productions
@ashleykateadams